Make the Danny Archer (Denni Acha) voice.
Seriously bru. Tell me “This is Africa.” Or some shit about “coming here with your leptop computer and your hend senitaazer and hoping to make a diffrins.” Or anything about “fokken prawns.” Just try it.
We have dozens of different accents, from fossilized 1960s BBC English through to a form of lyrical screaming endemic to the Cape. But all that anyone seems to cast for in movies is a kind of flat Afrikaans that it’s then assumed we all speak, and will find screamingly funny.
So when I come pick you up from the arrivals terminal at the airport, tell me how I sound nothing like a South African and persistently quote Blood Diamond and District 9 at me. Or tell me I sound exactly like it. See what kind of a turn our friendship takes.
If you haven’t heard, the East Coast is about to be overrun by alien creatures who’ve been buried in the ground, hibernating for the last 17 years. But wait — did you know that you can actually eat these suckers?