WHILE virtually all of my first visit to India was profoundly disorienting, one of the strangest differences I noticed was the Indian head shake. If you’ve been to India, you’ve seen it (and if you’re an Indian, you’ve almost certainly done it): it’s a sort of swivel/shake/bobble that’s not particularly easy for the untrained neck to replicate. No matter how many people I asked, though, I never got a clear answer to what it meant — Is it a yes? A no? A maybe? An, “I didn’t understand a word of what you just said”?
All of them were plausible. It turns out, there are different categories of the head shakes, and Meenfriedchikencurry has the explanation for all of them. Now I can go back to India and be just slightly less confused.
You love the weather.
You can’t get enough of the weather here. When every Canadian is freaking out because of a snowfall warning, frantically checking the forecast for some better news, you’re rubbing your hands in anticipation. What’s not to like about walking in the snow, hearing it crunch under your boots, and realizing yours are the only footprints out there? Well, according to the locals, the correct responses are: “Driving conditions are horrible,” “I hate shoveling,” and “I can’t wait for all that crap to melt.”
I CHOSE TO ATTEND the College of Charleston (CofC) because a guy at Yo Burrito offered to buy me shots after a harrowing campus tour. It was raining, and I listened to two guys named Colby and Colby, both dressed in matching douchebag Lacoste polos and boat shoes, talk about their latest sailing trip.
“I never want to go to college!” I cried into my taco salad, after my mother stormed out, rightfully embarrassed. Once the bartender decided he didn’t care that he was offering alcohol to a minor, I sat there and thought, The people are really nice here. I think I’ll apply.
Charleston is one of the most underrated college towns in America, which I guess makes it the ultimate college town, because it’s so off the radar that when people come to visit, their minds explode from how chill-yet-messed-up this place is. It’s sort of like, “How can you be so polite after puking all over my Tory Burch sandals? I don’t understand, but I like it!”
It’s BEAUTIFUL everywhere, always.
Charleston’s charming as hell. We like our buildings painted in pastel colors, our greenery perfectly landscaped, and our fountains copper-penny-and-piss-free. Residents respect this beauty, and the city is fairly clean. Lots of famous movies, like The Notebook, and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, were filmed here. Even the ghetto areas are gorgeous, by comparison.
1. We’re FAT.
If there’s anywhere to start, it’s right here. Our expanding waistlines have been the subject of global ridicule for decades, with our weapons of mass consumption fed with bottomless obesity fuel, and our luxurious domestic throne rooms of TV appreciation and ever-present automobile infrastructure at the ready to remove any and all semblance of physical activity from our daily routine.
Make bacon jokes, constantly.
North America is obsessed with bacon. I’m not sure where the phenomenon came from — but when I think about it hard enough, I say it’s just to piss off the vegetarians, the Muslims, and the Jews all at once. Insist on calling your morning breakfast “Babe,” make oinking noises while eating, and comment on the meal your vegetarian friend just made you by saying, “It would taste even better with bacon.”
Behind our forced smile, all we want is to tie you to a chair and force marinated seitan into your dirty mouth.
Assume my dad’s got a mistress.
Sorry to disappoint, but no, no he doesn’t. Frankly, if he did I don’t think I’d be talking about it casually with some stranger — it seems slightly disrespectful to my mother.
Let’s make things clear and crack this myth: French people, men and women alike, don’t get into committed relationships to better cheat on their partners. And just so you know, people are just as unfaithful everywhere else as they are in France, and it’s no more socially acceptable here.
That being said, I’m fairly sure the recent news of our President riding on a scooter around Paris, like some hormone-filled pizza delivery boy, to meet his mistress for some hot French sex, doesn’t help our reputation.
Culture is everything and everywhere.
Bowie is a very gifted musician and actor. Still, as rare as the combination is, he’s not the one and only to find success in both.
What makes Bowie such a unique character is the fact that, being a deeply intelligent person, he always functioned as a sponge. The David Bowie Is exhibition (held in London in 2013, currently in São Paulo) details many sides of Bowie’s influences: films, painting, sculpture, clothing, books. Especially books.
Food for thought is everywhere, and curiosity is the first step to creative achievement.
Being the last ones to arrive and leave the party (unless they get lucky)
Brazilians’ timing for parties is very different from Australians’. I remember my surprise when I went out in Australia for the first time. I left home around 11pm (thinking it might be too early), and to my surprise the party was already finishing! By midnight people had reached that loud, annoying stage, and some were even being carried home. Brazilians start partying late and therefore finish late. A normal night out would start around midnight and would carry on to 4, 5, or even 6 in the morning.